I want to divorce my wife but still live in our home for my kids. What else could I do?faithful but frustrated
I thought it might ‘make or break’ our relationship as we could no longer take each other for granted. Instead she promised things would improve but then messed up our finances, spends all her time with the kids and eventually denied me sex. I now wish I had gone ahead without her agreement as my anger at her behaviour in the last two years has alienated my kids from me. I was always considered an excellent father but they no longer think of me like this and are all on her side. After bending over backwards to please her for years, having a nervous breakdown as a result I feel angry and cheated. We home educate, but after my breakdown I could have done with some peace, care and attention but she would not even consider sending them to school, they don’t want to go and I wouldn’t want to force them anyway. We started sleeping apart as I snore. My main problem is the massive power shift to her as the kids have grown, being there all the time. Any intuitive guesses at my best solution?
I am sorry you are in this situation. But, you are the only one that can fix it, make yourself happy, etc. I have a 2 & 3 year old and left my husband after staying at home with my children since they were born. I had no job, no money, and was scared to death. But, I am so happy I went for it, because I thought about it for so long and then I finally just did it, due to his physical & mental abuse. Basically, it was an unhealthy relationship. Yours sounds unhealthy as well (in different ways), and if you feel like you have done everything you can to talk to her, try to make positive changes for the betterment of your family and you just don’t know what else to do. I think one day soon, in a couple days, or weeks, it will just hit you what you need to do, walk out the door or stay and work on it. I recommend counseling, if she is willing, I have tried that and I got a lot of use out of it, but my ex-husband stopped showing up to the sessions. Anyway, just work on yourself to be happy physically, mentally, spiritually, and love and support those kids. And, it sounds to me you are at a fork in the road as to what to do. Concentrate on your happiness and everything else will fall in to place. What helped me while I was in a really unhappy marriage was what I said above. I just concentrated on after the kids were down working out, reading, because that is what I liked to do. I went to church every Sunday and it made such a difference. Because you are the only one you can control. Not her, she sounds like she needs to get her act together. I keep going on and on, but, best of luck to you!
Get out and go find a place to live on your own. You aren’t doing your kids any favors by staying together.
In fact you’re doing just the opposite. Kids are resilient and strong, but they are super sponges. They soak up things by example. Your being there when you are unhappy will just show them that married life and love is about suffering and pain and animosities.
Get out……get your head straight….find your happiness and then give that happiness to your kids, and let your ‘ex’ find her own way too.
Sorry, but this is my reaction to your situation. Be well friend and my best of luck to you!
p.s. You deserve a medal for your patience and tenacity and ethics for your kids and family. It is an honorable and upstanding thing to do.
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well you can’t bring another woman around if that’s what you mean. you’ll have to sneak off to hotels like a thief in the night, get your on space, and just visit your kids alot.
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I am sorry you are in this situation. But, you are the only one that can fix it, make yourself happy, etc. I have a 2 & 3 year old and left my husband after staying at home with my children since they were born. I had no job, no money, and was scared to death. But, I am so happy I went for it, because I thought about it for so long and then I finally just did it, due to his physical & mental abuse. Basically, it was an unhealthy relationship. Yours sounds unhealthy as well (in different ways), and if you feel like you have done everything you can to talk to her, try to make positive changes for the betterment of your family and you just don’t know what else to do. I think one day soon, in a couple days, or weeks, it will just hit you what you need to do, walk out the door or stay and work on it. I recommend counseling, if she is willing, I have tried that and I got a lot of use out of it, but my ex-husband stopped showing up to the sessions. Anyway, just work on yourself to be happy physically, mentally, spiritually, and love and support those kids. And, it sounds to me you are at a fork in the road as to what to do. Concentrate on your happiness and everything else will fall in to place. What helped me while I was in a really unhappy marriage was what I said above. I just concentrated on after the kids were down working out, reading, because that is what I liked to do. I went to church every Sunday and it made such a difference. Because you are the only one you can control. Not her, she sounds like she needs to get her act together. I keep going on and on, but, best of luck to you!
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thats not fair for you,wife must do her responsibility including sex with her husband but if she dont care about you having sex,then maybe she’s fall out of love and you must talk to her about this because this is not a simple problem dont wait till you cant keep it and make horrible things,you must do something before all will be waste by time.kids are not the a reason to scape having sex to your husband everytime you need it.you must think everything she have done and ask her why she dont want to have sex with you…if she still refuse and make excuses then you gave her freedom..divorce
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i am married for one year and dont have sex with my husband too,because i dont love him,i always make alibi’s when he ask me about that…and im planning to get divorce this yr
It’s time to go, you aren’t making any progress in your current situation. It’s time to find yourself again, sounds like you lost your identity in your relationships. You can’t make anyone else happy if you’re not happy with yourself. Look at it this way, if you don’t feel like they (or she) is giving you the attention you feel you deserve then maybe it’s time you pay a little attention to yourself. It’s time to go. Good luck it ain’t easy.
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Oh you poor thing!! for once i will support the man (you) in all of this. Looks like you’ve had your fair share and all you want is to be a good father and live alone- would i be right?
It doesn’t matter what others be it her family think i’m sure you are a good dad- she has pushed you to the limit and beyond that so no wonder you are in a pickle!
It’s a good thing that you have remained faithful- although you must be thinking how nice it would be to be loved again. Too many feel tempted and give into it. This is a difficult one- you could try legal advice first- it gets messy divorcing and especially when theirs children involved. I’m very surprised she hasn’t been prosecuted for not sending your children to school. She is a cow if she bad mouths you to your children. I would leave regardless and make sure your joint account is no longer joint cos she will take you for every penny.
Get legal advice get yourself somewhere to stay and make arrangements to see the children regardless
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Sounds like you need to get your own place… And leave things as they are until the kids come around – and they will… And make sure it is a modest place, cos you can guarantee that you’ll get taken to the cleaners… So make sure it is some place you can afford on a shoestring budget…
The longer you stay the harder it is going to get, for them and for you…
If you have someone you can talk to openly, use them to vent and externalise you problems…
If not, see a counsellor…
Your wife sounds as though she’s treating you like a 3rd class citizen… Granted, the kids do come first in any family, but still, the parents are supposed to be a team and work together to make things better…
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it is time to bring an end to this farce of a relationship, you both are doing the children no favours by staying together, you say your main problem is the massive power shift with the kids, get out and see them independantly of her their attitude to you will change, sounds to me the whole family takes each other for granted, bin it mate and good luk
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Here`s a few reasons i think your misses and children are acting this way…
1) "as we could no longer take each other for granted". (change "we" to "I" and "each other" to "her")
"being there all the time" (yes,you can only mean the kids).
2) "spends all her time with the kids" (she would HAVE too if it`s home ed)
3) "as MY ANGER at HER behaviour in the last 2 yrs".
4) "I feel angry and cheated".
5) "I could have done with some peace,care and attention"
6) "but she would not even consider sending them to school" (the whole crux of the matter i think)
7) "My main problem is the massive POWER SHIFT to her as the kids have grown,(delete SHIFT).
Here`s what your wife has done wrong to you.
1) Messed up your finances.
2) Spent all her time with the kids.
3) Denied you sex
4) Alienated your kids against you ( Don`t you know teenagers have a mind of there own).
5) Not sent them to school.
From what you have posted all i can see,except for messing up the finances,your wife and children are acting reasonably to a hostile situation.
It`s time to move on,find what your looking for and hope time heals.
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Sorry to read the pain you are going through.
What you have got to do is be as good a father as you can to your kids
You both need to talk with kids face to face, it will be hard and upsetting but being open is much more
She doesnt matter as she has made her choice, and although tthe children are siding with her just now they will see that she is bitter and that you are thier rock.
Try taking them away on holiday alone even for a couple of days.
Let them choose, where to go what to do. Build a relationship from scratch with them.
Then decide between you if you move out or stay.
Get help
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