Dad’s only pleasure is going out in the evening with his buddies. Sometimes he’s there from after work (6pm) until 11/12 at night. Mum has no say in what nights he goes, and it is an unchallenged rule that Dad will do what he wants, when he wants on that score. While he’s out, Mum sits at home on her own, eating dinner, watching TV (which she says is HER only pleasure) and drinking wine. She has no girlfriends of her own, only friends which come through Dad’s ‘networking’ on his nights out. They don’t talk about their feelings – in fact, most of the time, I’m sure Dad knows Mum is upset, but he’s a coward and afraid of getting rejected by his buddies if he leaves them to stay home or do something else with my Mum.

Recently, we saw something on TV about women who cheat on their partners. My Mum said acidly, while my Dad was still in the room. ‘I don’t know how they can do it. I don’t have TIME to have an affair.’ Then she laughed this really bitter laugh. I know my parents don’t have sex any more – to put it mildly, my Mum is quite, er… large, and for years before I left home, I could hear both of them snoring from the next room as soon as their heads hit the pillows. For them, a bed is for sleeping in. I feel terribly sad for both of them, if I’m honest. I’m their only daughter, and I’m married myself now, and living away.

Nobody said anything or even responded when my Mum made her comment, but I felt like falling through the floor. What would you guys feel if your wife said this and you were my Dad? How serious do you think my parents’ marital problems are, and what should I or they do?

Thanks in advance.
Thanks Happy-2. But why? Do you think maybe they’ve been in it for so long that it just doesn’t matter to them any more?

By my calculation, they’ve been married for 30+ years. A snarky little comment like that isn’t going to amount to a hill of beans between them.

Salacious: Oedipal? You mean she wants to murder her father and marry her mother??? LOL!

Edit: I think it was a joke. It was a joke in bad taste, yes, but a joke nonetheless. It’s not like she said "I want to have an affair." As a matter of fact, she not only implied that she’s not going to have one, but also presented a practical reason why she’s not. This is what is commonly known as a "backhanded compliment".

Edit for Salacious: Excellent answer to me! And I just want you to know that I did NOT give you a thumbs down. You must have a lot of haters!

I’m 28 years old, and about 2 years ago I started waking up with strong headaches on a regular basis, about once a week, sometimes twice. Many times the headaches will be accompanied by nausea, but not always. They are strong enough to make it extremely difficult and miserable to work (when I was working), took every bit of effort I could muster to not go home sick. Now when I’m at home, they are usually bad enough that they pretty much keep me on the couch the first half of the day. It generally seems to be a headache in the whole front half of my head, and they are generally very difficult to get rid of, usually taking till about noon or 1pm on average before I feel better.

Now the thing I find so odd, is I am a very healthy individual, and probably live a healthier lifestyle than 95% of americans. I am in great shape, muscular, about 12% body fat. I get plenty of exercise, 1-2 times a week I’m at the gym, and 3 or more times a week I’m doing sports and other physical activities outdoors. I eat healthy, sticking as close as I can to the food pyramid, recommended intake of calories / fat, etc. I never eat any fried food at all, and limit or eliminate as much as possible any foods with MSG, High fructose corn syrup, Partially hydrogenated oils, and artificial sweeteners. I don’t smoke, rarely drink, and don’t do any drugs (with the exception of headache medicines when I get a headache). And I’m constantly doing activities to keep my mind sharp. I have no known health problems, and don’t really have any unhealthy habits.

I’ve done much research into possible causes, and heres some various things I’ve tested or tried. I don’t seem to to be grinding my teeth at night, I’ve got headaches even when sleeping with my mouth open. I don’t seem to have any breathing problems in my sleep, rarely snore (and if I ever did, my girlfriend will rotate me in a heartbeat), my girlfriend says I seem to breathe fine. I have hypo allergenic pillows, and hypo allergenic memory foam topper, even though I have no known allergies, figured I’d block dust mites as much as possible. I’ve tried drinking extra water in case its dehydration, but doesn’t seem to make a difference. I’ve tried eating before bed, not eating before bed, etc. Doesn’t seem to have any different effect. I live in a good clean house with no known mold or toxins, and I actually moved here from a different house a year ago, so it doesn’t seem to be anything related to where I’m living. I’ve tried changing my diet around to see if any sort of certain food was causing it, but couldn’t seem to find any sort of link to any particular food.

Back when I was working I was blaming the headaches on lack of sleep, and possibly stress (even though I’m a pretty stress free guy). However after being layed off for a few months I’ve been getting good sleep, and no stress, but still getting them.

Two years of trying all sorts of things and I still haven’t found any sort of link to what could be causing them. Does anyone have any ideas of what it could be, or new things to try?

When was the last time you had your blood pressure checked? It could be that, sinuses or a tension headache. I used to wake up with headaches and was told it was tension and blood pressure. They were bad in the morning and in the afternoon it gets better. If it gets worst, I advise you to go to an emergency room before things get worst and one morning you may not wake up at all.

People change and things go wrong but always remeber life goes on!

Be strong now because things will get better, it might be stormy now, but it can’t rain forever.

With a new attitude everything can change.

This girl helped me so much. That night when I tried to sleep I didn’t get one second of sleep because I was thinking. And she was right. If you focus on being sad, you won’t remeber what being happy really is.

Hope this helped!!

- Franchesca

If it wasn’t for the flickering light in the distance, he would have sworn that he had been attacked with a sudden rush of insomnia. No matter how many times he tossed and turned, entwining himself in ropes of blankets, how many pillows he pressed desperately over his head, how many damn sheep he counted; sleep would not come. The flicker had taken on a life of its own and its pulse seemed almost impossible to get through the night with. Sora jammed another pillow to his head in annoyance, flattening the messy, chestnut spikes and groaned quietly. His behavior wasn’t normal. Before, all he needed was a couple of blankets, a pillow, and a mattress to fall asleep in a range of 10 minutes. This time, on hard, cold flooring with just three blankets and a thin cushion, the time was ticking to at least three hours.

With the sight of that flashing beam again, he flung the pillow away from himself and turned his head slowly towards the sound of calm snores. He blinked, turned his attention to the light, and back to his three friends. He arched a thin eyebrow and repeated the process once more. How could that bothersome light not affect them? It flashed on and off in a continual progression since the three of them got here. Its faded yellow, tan color was even blinking when that strange man introduced the room to them.

Shaking his head from side to side, Sora chuckled lightly. He already knew the answer to that question: Donald, Goofy, and Jiminy didn’t have to stress and worry about anything. That being said, they easily fell asleep, ignoring the light and all of their personal thoughts. He on the other hand, was feeling completely and utterly different.

It was about what Naminé said the first time he approached her:

“Try finding your light, the one that you care most for.”

He was taken aback. His footsteps paused in place as he awkwardly scratched his head with his fingertips. His usual soft sapphire eyes were displayed with confusion and angst, and his fist was balled up loosely by his red pant leg. It didn’t seem to go exactly as planned. His original arrangement was to embrace her and hold her for what would seem like hours; he even had the thought of having to resist the urge to kiss her. But unluckily, before his mind reacted with his feet, he was standing still like a statue, trying to hold in the tears when she finally said those last six words.

“You weren’t supposed to find me.”

Yes. I would say something else about it, but my jaw fell to the floor and I can’t get it to come back up.

With the sight of that flashing beam again, he flung the pillow away from himself and turned his head slowly towards the sound of calm snores. He blinked, turned his attention to the light, and back to his three friends. He arched a thin eyebrow and repeated the process once more. How could that bothersome light not affect them? It flashed on and off in a continual progression since the three of them got here. It’s faded yellow, tan color was even blinking when that strange man introduced the room to them.

Shaking his head from side to side, Sean chuckled lightly. He already knew the answer to that question: Donald, Gregory, and Jason didn’t have to stress and worry about anything. That being said, they easily fell asleep, ignoring the light and all of their personal thoughts. He on the other hand, was feeling completely and utterly different.

you shouldn’t use damn at that manner

The cool autumn breeze gently pushed my skirt along with it. Overhead a flock of birds were flying south, which I found odd since it was only September. The sun was falling back against the pink sky and I could see the rippling blue ocean going in, and out. In, and out.
“Well maybe you should get a job!” A screeching voice interrupted my moment of calm.
“Maybe you should go to yours, for a change!” I heard a door slam, then stomping on porch steps, and finally a car speeding off.
These are my parents, Joel and Karen. They keep a roof over my head, but I often wonder if they even remember that I’m here. When they aren’t drinking they’re fighting, and when they aren’t fighting they’re drinking. I try to get out of the house as much as I can. I often come to the park across the road and enjoy the view and the serenity of it all. As I turned to head back to the house to take care of my mother, particles of dirt sprinkled my eyes from the dust clouds left by the car. The steps groaned and creaked as I stepped on them, then headed into the house.
Our house isn’t much. It’s light brown on the outside, with a screen door and a heavy door behind that. On the inside the kitchen has a black-and-white tiling pattern on the floor, but it’s always so dirty that you could barely tell. I can barely remember what color the countertops are since they’re always cluttered with random objects. There’s a table pressed against the window on a far wall but I have no recollection of ever using it. The cabinets that line the walls are a light brown color, and their contents are various dishes and rags. The sink is always full of rotting dishes and the trashcan would be overflowing if we actually used it.
That’s where I was, in the kitchen. Mom was at the sink, attempting the dishes. I would take off my shoes in the house but there’s more dirt on the kitchen floor that there is on my shoes so I don’t bother. She doesn’t really see me; it’s like I’m a ghost to her. I walk past her into the narrow hallway with various school pictures of me from kindergarten until two years ago hanging on the walls. There are also a few holes in the wall from Dad’s drunken fights and rants with Mom. My door hinges squeak as I enter my room, which I try to keep tidy. My bed is a lumpy mattress on the floor with an old blanket covering it. I have two pillows, one that used to be my dad’s and has random stains all over, and the other is a Barbie one that I’ve had since I was little. The carpet covers most of the floor, except for near the window where it’s just the foundation of the house. There’s not much to say about the carpet, I guess. It’s white but older than I am, and is currently an indistinguishable color. The closet that’s about three feet from the foot of my bed is scarce, with just barely enough clothes to get me through a week. The ceiling light broke when I was seven and never got fixed, so I rely on a small lamp I keep on the floor next to my bed.
In case you haven’t guessed it, my family doesn’t have a ton of money. Mom has a job as a bartender at a restaurant a couple of miles out, but it doesn’t pay well and she hardly goes. It’s usually because she’s too hung over to get out of bed. Dad is in and out of jobs, though mostly out.
I sat down on my bed and grabbed my book and read for a while. There isn’t really anything else to do in the house. After a few hours Dad had come home, drunk and slurring and picking fights with Mom. I tried to drown it out by sinking deeper into the storyline of my book. Around midnight snoring was audible from the living room. I could hear Mom’s deep breathing coming from the bedroom and I knew that they were both asleep. Three light taps hit the glass on my window and I stood up to open it. It was my boyfriend, Bradley. That was our code: three light taps on the window.

The crisp autumn breeze tugged at [your] skirt, beconing it to follow.

As you may have guessed, my family does not have the wealth that is so envied and longed for. We are a modest family in a modest home. My mother works long hours but doesn’t complain. She is a bartender and has to put up with the abusive drunks at work.. and coming home… well, that is yet another story.

"It was [your] boyfriend Bradley. I have known him since we were kids. He was my best friend and once again, my rescuer. The three light taps is our code. The sweetest sound of taps seem to bring a sense of security that I wouldnever have known otherwise."

I sat down on my bed and grabbed my book and read for a while. There isn’t really anything else to do in the house. After a few hours Dad had come home, drunk and slurring and picking fights with Mom. I tried to drown it out by sinking deeper into the storyline of my book.
Around midnight snoring was audible from the living room. I could hear Mom’s deep breathing coming from the bedroom and I knew that they were both asleep. Then I heard three light taps on the window. It was my boyfriend Bradley. I have known him since we were kids. He was my best friend and once again, my rescuer. The three light taps is our code. The sweetest sound of taps seems to bring a sense of security that I would never have known otherwise. I stood up and opened up the window. He smiled when he saw me.
“Bradley,” I said, smiling. He reached through the window and hugged me, then helped me out of the window. I shut it carefully behind me, making sure that I had remembered to turn the light off. He held my hand after we’d taken a few steps, his fingers interlacing with mine. It’s times like these that I’m almost positively sure that we have gaps in between our fingers just for holding hands. We walked to the park and sat down on the grass, which had miniscule drops of dew beginning to form on it.
We sat on our knees, leaning against each other. He turned to look at me, and then moved my head slightly so he could kiss me.
“Mom and Dad were fi
Oh, it got cut off.

“Mom and Dad were fighting again today,” I told him after we’d spent awhile in silence, “I don’t know how much longer I can stay here. Dad hit me last week while in a drunken stupor. I want to go somewhere else.”
“Harper, I want to help you.”
“I want you to take me far away from here. I want to go so far away that they never even think about me again.” I realized after saying that that they already don’t think of me. Bradley held me close to him, and we layed down on the grass.

I woke up the next morning still in Bradley’s arms. The grass had collected more dew and there were birds chirping in the distance. Bradley woke up at about the same time as I did, then looked over at me and smiled

awww! so cute poor girl this is the perfect story. please keep writing!

Good luck

For me, the reason to be in a relationship is because you don’t want to feel alone and every morning I wake up alone and feel sad. I’m tired of hugging the pillow all night. This isn’t wasn’t what I was expecting when we got together. Thoughts?
Sorry, clarification… I didn’t mean sex when I said sleep with… the sex is good.

I’m almost 30, ok?

I think there’s more to feeling alone than just sleeping separate from your partner. You could sleep in separate houses even and still fell together. If you feel alone it’s because something else is wrong.

First, tell him seriously how much the sleeping arrangements bother you.

Second, try to figure out what else is missing from your relationship that’s making you feel alone. It’d be better if you could talk it over with him to see if he feels the same, but if he doesn’t want to cooperate, figure it out yourself.

Third, don’t take leaving him lightly. I’ve learned from personal experience that once you take that step your bf may be so hurt that he closes down and refuses to communicate, so there’s no turning back. Try to stay with him as long as there is any hope that your relationship can be saved.

Fourth, you may want to get professional advise from a relationship counselor.

Good luck, and I hope everything turns out for the best!!!