Stop Snoring Guarantee

1….What women want in a man at age 22:

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What women want in a man at age 32:

1. Nice looking (preferably with hair)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What women want in a man at age 42:

1. Not too ugly (bald head is fine)
2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car
3. Works steady – splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I’m talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What women want in a man at age 52:

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn’t borrow money too often
4. Doesn’t nod off to sleep when I’m venting
5. Doesn’t re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What women want in a man at age 62:

1. Doesn’t scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn’t require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he’s laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it’s the weekend

What women want in a man at age 72:

1. Breathing
2. Doesn’t miss the toilet

2…..A married man thought he would give his wife a birthday surprise by buying her a bra.

He entered a ladies shop rather intimidated, but the girls took charge to help him.

"What color?" they asked. He settled for white.

"How much does it cost?" he asked.

"Twenty dollars." "Very good," he thought. All that remained was the size, but he hadn’t the faintest idea.

"Now sir, are they the size a pair of melons? Coconuts? Grape fruits? Oranges?"

"No," he said, "nothing like that."

"Come on, sir, think. There must be something your wife’s bust resembles."

He thought long and hard and then looked up and said, "Have you ever seen a Spaniel’s ears?"

3…..This one is to make amends to the ladies….
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be called hell.

How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious fumes, and half the time they don’t work.

How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two – if you slice them very thinly.

Why can’t men get mad cow disease?
Because they are pigs.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

How does a man show he’s planning for the future?
He buys an extra case of beer.

What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis?
The man.

Why do men have a hole in their penis?
So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.

Why do men name their penises?
Because they don’t like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight?
A power failure.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.

What’s the best way to force a man to do sit?ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

What’s a man’s idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.

What’s the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot has been spotted several times.

Why did God create man before woman?
He didn’t want any advice.

Why did God create man before woman?
Because you need a rough draft before crea

As usual, very funny.

but,,,
If they can put one man on the moon, why can’t they put them all there?

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